Do you say yes to everything and everyone?
Worry that if you don't do something, you wont be invited again?
Overthink everything when you have to 'let someone down?'
YEP! I know that feeling lovely!
People pleasing takes a lot of effort, energy and time - all things that are valuable to your wellbeing but get swept up in other people and events way before you think of yourself.
Here are some very quick mind-set shifts you can make, to help you start saying no, when you really need to.
1. Because I Can!
You have the power to make choices. YOU.
Only you decide what you do and don't do. If you keep saying yes, you will keep doing everything, get run down and neglect yourself.
If you say no - it is simply BECAUSE YOU CAN.
Trust yourself enough to say no. Listen to yourself. Be confident in that fact, that you know what is best for you.
2. True Friends
Any one that truly loves you, will want you to be happy.
If that means you cant go for dinner or for drinks because you have had a long week and feel tired and run down, and need to sleep - they will want that for you too!
If you are feeling unwell and have a long week at work so don't fancy going out on Sunday evening, they will understand and still love you.
This is HUGE for me!
I would say yes to things, knowing I couldn't make it, just because I couldn't say no!
If someone asked me to my face, I would always say yes instantly! Panic - errr yeah course I can!
Be honest and give yourself time.
'Can I let you know later?'
'I just need to check my calendar and ill get back to you.'
'I might already have plans, so ill double check.'
'I wish I could, but I have already arranged something on that day.'
Simple phrases that you need to keep stored in your vocab - whip them out instead of the good old 'YES' at every question or request.
This also stops expectations building and people expecting you to be there and you then have the added 'letting them down' or guilt around then saying no.
4. Schedule in YOU time
Each week, make sure you have an evening or block of time that is for you to do nothing with!
Don't fill that time and know that each week, you will have time on your own to regroup, relax and unwind. You need that. We all need that.
If going to a crowded party makes anxiety trigger for you, be honest and steer clear of those situations for a while.
Honor and look after yourself, if you don't - no one else can.
Don't put yourself into situations that heighten anxiety for you.
Spend time doing things you actually enjoy and not wishing the hours away until you can get home and relax.
Be clear with yourself and know what is a goer and what is a non-starter for you.